My boys are big Yu-Gi-Oh! nerds. They collect cards, structure decks, titter over rules, and play mean duels. And given the choice between having them fight using their fists and fighting using their decks, I'd rather see them deck each other.

Occasionally, however, they get a little too argumentative to have a civil duel. Usually it's Mister who picks the fight and refuses to destroy a monster that should be destroyed, or argues that a particular card's effects doesn't apply to his monster, but all three are guilty of being a little overly loud when playing a nice game of cards.

It gets noisy around here, and sometimes I just can't take the noise. So to stop a rampaging argument (and get them to laugh in the process), I once yelled over their arguments, "I PLAY THE WRATH OF MOMMY!" They immediately stopped fighting and started giggling.

I explained that The Wrath of Mommy card destroys every card on the field, in their hands, and in their graveyards and immediately ends the game. They were amused enough by it that on the rare occasions I've used it, they've always picked up the game and moved on. And since I don't use it very often, it's effective.

I've found that one of the tricks to getting boys to do what you ask them to do, whether it's to stop fighting, stop whining, or stop whatever-ing, is to make sure that you speak their language. If they're computer nerds, you might want to learn some save and end commands. If they like Pokemon, make up your own super Pokemon that has a ridiculously high attack and defense numbers. If your boys are into Bakugan, make up your own little roly robot that has a wicked cool effect--I'd consider an EMP if my boys were really into dueling their battle brawlers.

If you have to stop and redirect a behavior, it's very helpful to make sure you're doing it from a sympathetic perspective. And if you do it right and show that you understand the rules of the game, it's a bit like Calvinball: fun, absurd, and there's always the perk of knowing that they'll never defeat you in a battle.

Another awesome recipe the Living Without magazine had was for a gluten-free fruit pie crust that actually looked normal. After looking at it and seeing that it actually required me to roll it out like a normal pie crust, I decided to give it a try with some pumpkin filling. 'Cause it's October, yo.

The pie crust recipe calls for

2 cups gluten-free High-protein Flour Blend or gluten-free flour blend of choice
2 tsp xanthan gum
pinch salt
2 tbs sugar
8 tbs coconut oil
.5 cups cold water
4 tsp cider vinegar

The High-protein Flour Blend is:

1.5 cups bean flour (chickpea or soy)
1 cup arrowroot starch or potato starch
1 cup tapioca starch/flour
1 cup white or brown rice flour

Combine the dry ingredients: flour blend, xanthan gum, salt, and sugar. Mix to combine.
In a separate bowl, melt the coconut oil (but don't let it get hot) and add to the cold water and cider vinegar.
Pour the wet mixture into the bowl with the dry ingredients and mix by hand only enough to combine. This dough gets tough really easily, so handle it as little as possible.

This recipe makes two pie crusts, so take 1/2 of the dough, roll out either using plastic wrap or a gluten-free floured surface. Fold dough in half or fourths to make it easier to get to the pie pan. Unfold and form edges.

Chill pie crust for 30 minutes in the freezer before baking.

I used the Libby's Pumpkin Pie mix with almond milk and egg replacer for the pumpkin filling.

The results:

One pie and a few tarts.


(Yes, I know the colors in the photo are terrible. Meh.)

First, I have to say that the pie dough smelled like my mother's apple kuchen. Yum. It was wonderful to work with. Second, the crust baked nicely, was firm when it was done (unlike my past pie attempt), and was absolutely delicious. The coconut oil gave it a certain coconutty sweetness that wasn't overwhelming and was very yummy.

Highly recommended.

Or in other words vegan, gluten-free, soy-free, milk-free, egg-free, corn-free doughnuts.

Yes, you read right. DOUGHNUTS.

My mother has a fabulous kitchen--marble countertops, smart stove, 1800 watt microwave oven, a Kitchenaid mixer, and a bunch of cool stuff that I've never been able to afford. On top of that, she also saved me a couple of issues of Living Without magazine. In one of these magazines was a recipe for awesome doughnuts. The fabulous kitchen and the fabulous recipe makes for an irresistible combination. So yeah. I made wicked doughnuts.

I haven't had doughnuts since, well, the vegan ones I found in Las Vegas when I was at Preston's wedding. But before then, it'd been YEARS. So I couldn't resist.

The recipe, since it's already gluten free, required very little in the way of modification.

Here's what I used:

1.25 cups white rice flour
1 cup granulated sugar
7/8 cup potato starch
1/2 cup tapioca starch
1/2 cup plus 1 tablespoon chickpea flour (you can use soy flour here if you're not allergic to soy like I am)
4 tsp xanthan gum (Stuff's expensive, yo!)
1 tsp salt
1.75 tsp baking powder (I found some that uses potato starch instead of corn starch!)
3 pkg instant dry yeast
1.25 cup warm almond milk (of whatever kind of milk turns you on)
12 tbs coconut oil (instead of the 1.5 sticks of butter it called for)
1 tbs Ener-G egg replacer
4 tbs warm water (The egg replacer and water are substituting for 2 large eggs)

Here's the story about the flour blend. Gluten-free flour mixes come in all kinds of mad scientist ways. Some use tapioca starch or flour. Some use arrowroot. Some use soy. Some use amaranth or quinoa. The trick is putting the flours together in a blend that works for what you're trying to bake. In this case, it uses a little bit of rice, potato, tapioca, and chickpea flours. The most expensive items were the xanthan gum (about $11 for a small package), and the coconut oil (which is a good substitute for butter since it's solid at normal room temp and melts at 76F).

How to cook it:

First I combined the dry ingredients: the rice flour, sugar, potato starch, tapioca starch, chickpea flour, xanthan bum, salt, baking powder, egg replacer, and dry yeast all went into a Kitchenaid-type mixer with a paddle attachment. Lightly mix until relatively uniform.

Then I put the coconut oil, warm water, and almond milk into a bowl and stuck it in the microwave to warm up the whole thing. I added the warm mixture to the flour mixture and let the mixer beat air into it for 5 minutes. In the meantime, let the oven warm slightly. After the mixer is done, put the bowl into the oven with an open door. This allows it to rise without baking it. Leave it there for 20 minutes.

The recipe calls for piping the doughnut batter in little circles onto squares of parchment paper using a cake decorating bag. I used the parchment paper for this, but it wasn't really necessary--you just need to pipe the rings onto something that you can move to and from a proofing area (like a microwave oven.) Once you're done piping, the doughnuts need to go into somewhere that's humid and warm. The recipe suggests boiling water in the microwave oven and putting the doughnuts there. And that's what I did. I let the doughnuts proof for about 20 minutes.

Put about 4 cups of oil or so into a deep fryer, pot, or pan. Heat oil to 350F (than goodness for my mom's candy thermometer!). Fry each side of the doughnut for a few minutes until brown.

Results:

I now have heartburn for eating so many so late in the evening, the evil things. The doughnuts turned out more like cake doughnuts than a yeast-risen doughnut, but it was very good. The coconut oil added a very coconutty flavor to it.

I also tried to make a chocolate glaze to dip the doughnuts in, but as soon as I added the cold almond milk, it solidified into hard little pieces and wouldn't melt smoothly anymore. Silly thing. So the glaze is more like a frosting. But it's all good.

No, I don't know the calorie and fat content of these. And I don't really WANT to know. I could figure it out if I really wanted to, but then I'd probably hate myself in the morning.

ETA: Morning after results: I was a little sloppy with how much coconut oil I put in, and it ended up being too much. It also could use a bit more sugar. Next time I make these I need to make sure I only put in the exact amount it calls for of coconut oil and put in some extra sugar.

While I think I prefer the 365 Brand Gluten-free vanilla cake mix, it isn't sold anywhere in Utah county. So this time, I'm trying to make a vanilla cake with the Namaste mix.

My previous attempts with the Namaste Gluten-Free Cake Mix have been very meh. The texture is a bit gritty, and the vanilla flavoring is just...meh. So this time I'm playing with it to see if I can't make it a bit better.

The mix calls for
3 eggs
1/2 cup oil
1 cup water

I'm using:
3 tbs Ener-G Egg Replacer
3 tbs Dari-Free
2/3 cup oil
1 1/4 cups Pacific Vanilla Almond Milk
A dash of French Vanilla (which is *not* gluten-free, just so you know)
About 1/2 bag of Enjoy Life semi-sweet chocolate chips

There's nothing I can really do about the texture, but let's see how the creamy-up works.

Result: Texture is about the same. The taste is slightly better. Chocolate chips are a nice touch, but it's not the best cake ever. Meh.

While it isn't all that difficult to find cake mixes and whatnot without dairy products, it is a challenge to find ways of making cakes without eggs. So instead of making cakes for my and my brother's birthday several years ago, my mother decided to make fresh strawberry pie. And it was so good, I briefly considered making it an annual thing.

Well, I refuse to give up the things I like to eat simply because they're usually made with evil stuff like wheat flour or wholesome milk. And it helps that the local Costco had strawberries that smelled really good. So last night I tried out making a strawberry pie that I can eat.

It shouldn't be all that difficult, right?

Here's the result:




Here's what I used:

Filling:
Tons of fresh strawberries
1 package of Junket (strawberry flavored) [Sorry guys, this isn't vegan. But it *is* corn-free.]
Water for the gelatin

Crust:
Namaste gluten-free biscuit mix
Canola oil
Sugar
Water

The pie crusts didn't brown within the time the package gave me, so I baked it extra time. Turns out that's a bad idea. The crusts were too thick on the sides, and too crunchy.

But the filling turned out wonderfully. Mmmm. Red food coloring.

Just for my own info:

1 pkg 365 White Cake Mix
2 tbs DariFree powdered milk substitute
2 tbs Ener-G Egg replacer
1 cup Pacific vanilla almond milk
1/2 cup (ish) canola oil
2 tsp French vanilla extract
1/2 pkg Enjoy Life semi-sweet chocolate chips (Use this brand only. Trust me on this.)

Mix dry ingredients (except chocolate chips) together. Add wet ingredients (except vanilla). Beat until well incorporated (about 50 good strokes). Add vanilla. Mix until well incorporated. Add chocolate chips and mix until it's well distributed throughout the batter.

Pour into 8" square pan greased with canola oil.

Bake about 35 minutes.

This recipe is free of main allergens (milk, eggs, soy, peanuts, fish, shellfish, wheat, and corn), and if made using rice milk or a favorite milk substitute is also tree-nut free. AND it gets rave reviews at parties/girl's night gatherings!

Vanilla Pudding

The original recipe (snagged from a NYT Recipe of the Day) calls for

2 1/2 cups half-and-half or whole milk
2/3 cup sugar
Pinch of salt
1 vanilla bean or 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoons cornstarch
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened (optional)

I'm using
2.5 cups almond milk
2/3 cup Splenda (or whatever I have on hand)
2 tbs Dari Free (to replace the butter and give it a creamier flavor)
Pinch of salt
3 tbs arrowroot flour
0.5 cups almond milk
1 tsp vanilla extract

Method:

Combine milk, Splenda, salt, and Dari Free. Cook over medium-low heat until it boils.
Combine the arrowroot flour and 1/2 cup almond milk in a separate dish.
Add to mixture and boil 5-10 minutes until it thickens. (If you don't cook it enough, it'll be rubbery.)
Remove from heat and stir in vanilla.

Voila.

And if you're allergic to tree nuts, then just replace the almond milk with rice milk or whatever milk-like thing you usually use. The arrowroot flour is what thickens the pudding, so it's all good.

This time with tapioca. Yes, yes, if you don't like tapioca, just deal.

Here's what the recipe calls for:

1/3 cup small pearl tapioca
3/4 cup water

1.25 cups 2% milk
1/4 tsp salt
2 eggs, separated

1/2 cup sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla

Because this recipe is very specific (2% milk rather than just "milk") and calls for separated eggs, I'm pretty sure this won't set with a straight substitution. So rather than relying on the whipped egg whites, I think I'll make this more like a cooked pudding and use arrowroot flour as a thickening agent. Since the egg yolks are probably for fat and flavor, and the egg whites are probably for texture, I'm not going to use the egg replacer in this recipe. Instead, I'll add some Dari-Free and a teeny bit of canola oil for the egg yolk and milk, and I'll use an arrowroot slurry for the egg whites.

And on top of all that, I'm doubling the recipe. 'Cause I'll probably want more later when I'm too lazy to cook it again.

So here goes:
2/3 cups small pearl tapioca
1.5 cups water

2.5 cups Pacific brand vanilla almond milk
pinch salt
2 tbs Dari-Free
1 tbs canola oil
1 cup Splenda

3 tbs arrowroot flour
extra almond milk

1 tsp vanilla (I use Watkins' Madagascar Bourbon Pure Vanilla extract.)

I suspect that the recipe might need more almond milk than the 2.5 cups of milk that it calls for, but we'll see. [ETA: Duh. I forgot to double the milk amount. I tried it again with 4 cups and it worked a bit better, even if it was a bit more bland. But it's dang good and thickens really quickly with the 2.5 cups. So either way or anywhere in between works.]

Instructions:

Soak the tapioca in the water for 30 minutes.
Add the almond milk, salt, Dari-Free, canola oil, and Splenda and stir until it boils.
Reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, for 10-15 minutes. [It's already thick enough at this point that I might not need the arrowroot flour. Perhaps the egg whites are only to lighten up the texture a bit so it's not such a thick, dense pudding.]

Remove from heat and add vanilla.

Ok, so I didn't use the arrowroot flour because by the end of the 10-15 minutes, it was niiice and thick. And the result? Not bad at all.

And if you have tree nut allergies, then replace the almond milk with rice milk or whatever milk-like thing you usually use. The tapioca is what thickens the pudding, so it'll work with whatever. It might even work with juice (not that I'd really be interested in trying it made with juice...).

Today is Boo's birthday, and for his birthday he decided he wanted a grilled cheese sandwich. And, being the independent soul I've been raising him to be, he decided to cook it himself.

In the microwave.

Now, if he just wanted soggy hot bread and melted cheese, he could have done that, but instead he put the bread and cheese with a paper bowl into the microwave for FIVE MINUTES.

The boys left the house really fast after that.

I immediately opened the windows and turned on the ceiling fans to help clear out the smoke.

I've already scrubbed the microwave as much as I could. (The interior is now permanently yellow.)

I cannot get the burnt smell out of the house.

Blech.

Maybe I should go back to bed.

BadAstronomer: "I have a 10^80-sided die, 1 for each subatomic particle in the Universe. My saving throw is anything < 10^80 - 1. Even @wilw won't DM me."

(wilw is Wil Wheaton, btw.)

LOL. This is what happens when you continue to play with marbles as an adult.

Ok, I'm starting to suspect that the honors section of English 150 this term doesn't actually exist.

The first time I went to go make my spiel about my thesis project, I misread it as MARB instead of MSRB. (So totally my fault.)
The second time, no one was in the classroom.
And today, the third time, again no one was in the classroom.

I've already emailed the instructor and he hasn't emailed me back. So should I continue to try to catch the class? Pester the instructor again? I'm not even sure he's doing the Op Ed after all.

TO the mother of the Bubba's friend:

I am not a free babysitter. Please do not send over your son to "play" anymore, k?

No love,

Moiraineproxy

Explanation:

Bubba's friend just showed up again this afternoon around 5:00. He'd done it in the past once, and I'd just gone along with it figuring that at least he was socializing with the boys. This time, though, I was irritated because it was unannounced and close to dinnertime, and got more irritated when, after an hour (and he said he could only play for an hour) I started telling him it was time to go home and he wouldn't leave. I asked him if he wanted to call his mother (since he couldn't, you know, just *walk* home, even though he apparently just lives down the street), and he told me that he didn't know his own phone number.

*headdesk* Come ON.

So I put him in the car and told him that I'd take him home--assuming he'd at least know the way home. Midway there (like, two blocks into the drive) he changes his mind and insists that his mom is at the park. I drive him to the park, and of course his mom isn't there. So I head back to where we were when he decided on a different destination and swung by the house just in case. There was a red car blocking the driveway. I asked him if that was his mom's car. He said it wasn't...his car is red. (*headdesk*) I decided to turn around and go back to the house anyway since I was pretty sure. It WAS his mom, and she was about to leave without him even though I was in a car stopped eight feet away from her.

After he got out of my car (which was stopped in the middle of the street because, you know, she'd blocked my driveway and all) I told her to please not bring her son over anymore until he at least knew his own phone number or I had a way to contact her.


GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

I've spent the last several hours looking at job offerings in the area. What I discovered:

The offerings in HotJobs are all either for the National Guard, training programs, or for work-at-home junk.

And

The majority of people who write job descriptions for Craigslist listings need to be fired since I don't imagine they're getting a whole bunch of people applying for jobs where the job title, hours, pay, type of company, or even kind of work they're expecting the applicant to do are not mentioned anywhere in the ad.

I now have the dilemma of deciding whether to apply in the hopes that I can save these companies from themselves, or say forget it because I wouldn't want to be working for companies that show such a blatant lack of attention to their work or business goals.

I think the whole swine flu thing is getting way overblown. Media paranoia FTL.

The only reason it's getting any media attention is because it's a new strain that no one is immune to. My response: so what.

It's not any more severe than any other strain of the flu.

It's not more deadly than any other strain of the flu. In a normal flu season, there are 36,000 deaths in the US from the flu (Napolitano, CDC). Almost all of these deaths were from people who are already at risk for complications (very young, very old, compromised immune systems or other chronic illness).

The vast majority of people will get sick with it, recover, and be immune to it.

It's treatable: both Tamiflu and Relenza have been shown to be effective against this strain of the flu.

By the time it flares up again in the fall, there will be a vaccine for it in addition to the already available treatments. The vaccine will help people to either be immune to it when exposed or will lessen the symptoms. (I envy you people who can get flu shots.)

The measures being taken are only those designed to prevent further spread of the H1N1 flu simply because the more people who get sick with it, the more likely it will be to hit those at-risk people who may die from it. The current plan of attack is to prevent it from spreading until a vaccine can be developed. After that, it will probably be just another strain of flu that will be included in the yearly vaccine.

Wash your hands often, sneeze or cough into your sleeve (rather than your hands) and you'll have less of a chance of becoming infected.

If you're sick, do everyone a favor and stay home. Chances are you'll recover and be fine.

And it is transmitted through the air. You cannot get it from eating pork, you silly people. So chill and carry on with your bacon cats and bacon fats.

I hate grading.

Three term papers to go, some posters, finals, and then the fun of calculating scores begins.

And it's too cold in here to sit still comfortably.

Today's quote is brought to you by Mister and the letter D.

Mister: You're like Darth Mother.

I know it's been a while since I've updated here, but honestly my life has pretty much been the same old routine. Sort of.

Now, typically Thursdays are bad days for me and my mother. I don't know if it's a karma thing, or a family thing or whatever.

Today is one of *those* days. A day I normally expect from Thursdays, not Tuesdays.

I woke up a bit late. No big deal--it was a bit hard to get going but I made it work. I did my workout and had trouble with the tendon between my thumb and my index finger hurting from the weights. I took a quick shower and got to BYU early enough that if there had been any parking places available, I'd be right on time.

But, of course, there weren't any readily available, so I just pulled into the nearest likely slot and walked into class.

Class started on time, however, apparently they all thought that I was kidding about the requirements for their term projects. More than half the class was missing at least one part of their assignment, and six people either came in really late, didn't show, or just plain didn't have their projects done. It's the last day of class, for good grief. I was *really* irritated by this, and it took some creative networking to try to make it work. I had intended to briefly go over the last assignment for the class and their take-home final and dismiss them early, but I ended up doing damage control because the majority of the class was unprepared.

They're all fired.

And if that weren't enough, I had five students stay after class to make excuses/ask for extensions/tell me of extenuating circumstances/ask for the impossible. I handled them each in turn, and the last student I met with had a breakdown while she was talking to me. So I stayed to help her out, and because she had extenuating circumstances, I offered her an incomplete. After she calmed down, I even walked up to campus (from the RB) to the ASB to show her where she'd turn in the paperwork. Once I felt that she was ok, I walked back to my car.

And since no good deed goes unpunished, I got a parking ticket.

I went home, got something to eat, changed my clothes, grabbed some papers, and headed up the canyon to do some grading. I really enjoy sitting by myself in the car listening to a CD while I grade, and when I get frustrated, I can just look up and see the mountains and trees and snow and clouds and smell that mountain-y air.

Until my CD player suddenly stops. Because my car battery is dead.

So I make a phone call to Stacy and ask her to drive up the canyon to give me a jump. But my cell phone is dying. Of course. Stacy, being a good sport, drops what she's working on (mostly) and helps me out. But in the meantime, while I'm waiting in a dead car in the mountains while it's raining and windy, it starts to get a little cold. And while I'm glad I'd put on some thermals before I'd left, it wasn't quite enough to keep the chill away.

Stacy also kindly lends me a set of wrenches, and I drive down the canyon to a Checker. Since this is the second time in two weeks, and since I've had the car for almost 4 years and it was a used car when I bought it, I decided it was time to replace the battery. But on the way, the low gas gauge light comes on. As if I didn't need another thing running out of juice today. I buy the battery and spend the next while in the rain (and I'm already chilled) replacing the battery. But I did it, and it works great. And the guys in the Checker were funny--they offered to help me move the batteries (since they're heavy). But I'm an independent sort of girl, so I picked them up and exchanged them by my self. Despite the frizzy humidity hair. After a while, one of the guys even came out to the parking lot while I was finishing putting the positive terminal together to check on how I was doing, and was surprised it was going fine. The punk.

After I was done with the battery, I was chilled, and tired, and hungry, and getting heartburn. So I decide to take the freeway home before I get some gas. Which was a bad idea considering that traffic was terrible. What normally would have taken 10 minutes to drive took 25. And once I got home, I didn't want to leave. But it was freezing (my thermometer says it's 62 degrees in my living room, and I don't have access to the thermostat), and I was out of things to eat.

*sign* It's been a long day. I got 8.5 papers graded instead of the 10 I'd taken.

But at least my car still works.

And it's not Thursday tomorrow. Or Tuesday.

In the midst of giving goodnight kisses and hugs, Mister stopped, pulled back, and started staring at me with a smirk.

Me: What are you staring at?
Mister: *smirk*
Me: What are you staring at?
Mister (in a sultry voice): I'm just looking at your luscious eyes.
Me: *snerfle* *giggle*

"Heaven has its reasons and its precepts, and no one may disturb their foundations. It does no good to argue necessity or expediency. There are reasons for everything, and all is built upon that foundation. Heaven itself lies within the web of the Law and cannot condone any outrage perpetrated against the people. In that respect, Heaven and Earth differ not at all. Do not doubt that for a second."

--The Shore in Twilight, The Sky at Dawn by Fuyumi Ono

I think I need to just go back to bed and ignore the rest of the world today. I don't think I've ever been so unorganized or unprepared!

I'm having to fix the problems that I caused this morning because I was apparently too spacy to realize what I was doing. Let's see, today I

--signed 8 people up for consultation appointments during the times I have other meetings/classses
--totally spaced on an appointment I had with a faculty member
--managed to cramp/pull my right hip while walking normally. WTH?

I'm not normally this spacy, I promise.

I've emailed the 8 students and given them alternative appointment times. Two of the 8 have already replied and rescheduled.

I also called the faculty member and apologized profusely. She sounded frustrated, but agreed for me to come in later this afternoon. I'll have to bring my boys, and hopefully they won't be too hyper while I'm talking with her.

There's not much I can do for my hip, unfortunately. Hopefully it'll still allow me to walk on campus normally. And on top of that, the back of my head, from behind my left ear, down the left side of my neck and across my shoulders has been painful for the last two days.

Ibuprofen is my friend.

On the bright side, I finally finished grading one of the two 316 assignments I have piled up. Next (after I read the RAs for the consultations tomorrow) is grading the Op Eds I should have had done weeks ago.

And my thesis is on the back burner again. I missed the deadline to schedule my defense, so I'm having to move graduation to August rather than April. And I still have no idea what I'm going to do after I graduate.

So no stress or anything.